In His Steps

I seem to not have much good news lately. Yesterday was Black Friday, so naturally I was at work at 5:45am to open the store. My boss and his wife showed up to help, and they bought me breakfast and a hot cocoa. I was extremely grateful. The day was going on normally, customers and the lot, when at about 11:15am I started getting cramps. Now, my period had begun a couple hours before, so at first I just thought it was that and that I'd be ok in a couple minutes. Nay nay. The cramps were suddenly sharp, stabbing pains in my lower abdomen. I got my coworker to take over the register and ran to the bathroom in back and spent the next hour in the worst pain I've ever experienced. I was sobbing for air and shaking so badly I couldn't dial my cell for help for 45 minutes. Finally I got a hold of a friend and my bishop. My friend sent his sister to be with me and the bishop sent his wife to get me to the hospital. I called my boss (and apparently I scared him--he's never h

Yesterday was a morning of Constant Interruptions. I got to work on time and all seemed well. Just before I was about to open the doors, my boss calls. Interruption #1. I was almost late opening the store by the time I got him off the phone. I generally don't mind him calling, but it's hard to open the doors with a phone pressed between your ear and your shoulder and he wants us to open as soon as we come in. Shortly after that, the phone rings. I answer, no one responds. Interruption #2. Repeat this particular interruption every two to three minutes for the next THREE hours. No, I am not  exaggerating. Not one bit. So, about an hour into this I was ready to throw the @%!* phone through the window and over the mall balcony so that it would smash into as many pieces as possible. However, I'm not allowed to simply take the phone off the hook. I got a customer call in there, so I knew some people were calling and getting through to me. By some point I was assuming it was a p

Agh, I've been so grrrrrrrrr lately. Just constantly angry and peevish. I've been handling it ok; I haven't snapped at anyone or yelled or anything. I just...hate my job. It's not that the work sucks (though it is retail) or that my coworkers suck or even that my boss is a moron, because none of that is true. It's just that I've been at this for over three years now and I am stuck in a rut. I am sick and tired of this job, of driving a half hour to and then another from work, of barely paying my immediate bills and making no  headway at all on my school debt, and of that fact driving my credit down and making it so I cannot get a better job in order to  pay it off. I am hating this rut a lot right now. Feel the hate. It's like being stuck in an oubliette with people tossing you just enough food and water to survive the day but never a ladder, rope, or enough to stock up a supply with. So everyday you're terrified they won't come, because if they do

I was listening to a radio show today and one of the callers was talking about her fear of falling in love. She wanted to, she was, she had a wonderful man in her life, but she'd never fallen for anyone, and had long wondered if she was incapable. That call got me thinking. I recognized myself in that call. I am afraid to fall in love. I've watched other people in their homes and families and seen the depths of pain and devastation that can be caused. It's scary. It leaves you vulnerable. And I think that in some ways, that's what let my last relationship slowly fade out and end. Neither of us trusted each other enough to really let ourselves love each other, even when we wanted to and were willing to make huge sacrifices to be near each other, and even made those sacrifices. Certain people I lived with didn't make it any easier, with their butting in and swapping warped versions of conversations we'd had sowed the seeds of mistrust and eventually caused us to l

I seem to be long overdue for a blog post about this year's Halloween. I worked the opening shift that day, so I was able to come home and prepare for our small get-together that day. I dressed up for work in a costume I'd put together myself last year for ComiCon, a steampunk Victorian-esque outfit. I didn't wear the usual corset with it, as I hadn't been feeling too good at the time, due to that silly cold I mentioned previously. To make it more Halloween-y, I wore my fangs. Our friends came slowly from their various commitments and we watched old Bela Lugoisi movies, Hocus Pocus, and Interview with a Vampire. Our house was decorated rather awesomely though. I don't have any shots of the outside, save one, but the inside looked neat. We have a medieval dining room, so a few embellishments went a long way, just adding candles and dim lighting and some autumn leaves, removing the tablecloth to reveal the rather beautiful wood of the table. It all worked wonderfully.

Ever sit back and wonder why we do things the way we do? A dear friend of mine received her mission call recently and is heading out to a foreign country. Rosslyn's father happened to have gone on his mission to that country as well, so he gave Rosslyn some books for our friend to borrow. One of them was a book on things on what us Americans find weird about the people of that country, and what they find weird about us, ranging from eating habits, body language, driving, and expression. It's got me curious. Americans are very forthright and direct as a group, which is either seen as confident and in control, or intimidating and rude. Sometimes all four! We don't like to beat around the bush; we prefer people to get to the point. Other people prefer to tell stories to develop a rapport, and those stories might never have a point other than to take up time and get to know you or them through it. We're expressive people who talk loudly and often make large gestures. Our fa