First posts are always awkward for me. I like to pretend I've always been here, always been posting. But I haven't, so I have to make a first post.

What got me started on this was mostly that I'd had a blog for years and got bored with it. Posts were cluttered up with twitter posts and drama that I had long outgrown, and a fresh start seemed in order. Plus, blogger is usually pretty to look at. I'm rather easily pleased by silly little things.

This blog is for the very personal purpose of growing into the kind of person I truly want to be. All the things I want to be--a wife, a mother, an artist, financially stable, college graduate, a true Daughter of God--all of that takes time and needs me to become worthy of it by working hard and persevering. The easy route is right out.

For a little more about me: I'm the oldest of three, two girls and one boy. All of these will be Mom, Dad, little Sister, and little Brother, not that either of those two are that little anymore. I'm the shortest, as is often the case for firstborn children--or so I've noticed. I moved out awhile ago and now have a roommate, Rosslyn. We live in a very nice house where I rent one of the rooms. My own little sanctuary. ^_^

I have a wide and strange group of friends. We all like to get together and roleplay different systems, hang out at the beach, do church activities, do medieval reenactment with the SCA, sing in the choir I direct, and be general goofballs. We have fun, and that's what counts. We're also there for each other in a pinch. I'll mention them as things come up.

As for my religion...I was raised LDS/Mormon my entire life, but it wasn't until recently that I really began to understand and allow the gospel to work it's great change upon my heart. I had always agreed and just kinda nodded about everything, mutely accepting whatever was told. My Dad isn't a member but was kind enough to allow my Mom to raise us kids in the church, because he liked what he saw in those LDS people he'd met and didn't have a preference for himself. I'm not saying we're all still involved, but that's how it started. What follows is a severely truncated version of events.

I went to BYU up in Provo and that began the change. I loved BYU and still have many of the friends I made there. I didn't love Utah. I got seasonal depression from the lack of sun and constant snow and ice; I stopped attending church because I worked the graveyard shift and my ward (the word we use for congregation) was the earliest possible block and I was simply too tired (block refers to the three hour "block" of time our normal church hours require). I became jaded and even began to swear, which I'd never really done in my life up until that point. Then, my grades got so bad from my unwillingness to leave my apartment because of the weather that I was placed on academic suspension.

At the time, I was too depressed to even care that much. I eventually went back to California and began to get my life in order again. I had an instant mood shift. Woot for sunlight! I went back to work to put myself back through school and found myself butting heads with my family a lot. I was talking every day with Rosslyn and she was having similar issues, so we decided to move in together. I made the arrangements, quit my job, and went down to where she lived to find work and an apartment. I was blessed. I was unemployed for a mere six days. I know now that I was supposed to be here.

So we moved and I found the peace in my home that I'd always been searching for. Finally, I'd reached a point where I controlled my surroundings and what I'd do completely. I still was going to church, so I began to follow the instructions: reading my scriptures, praying every night, cutting out bad influences, all of that.

Lo and behold, I was happy. Really happy! My reading became more intense and my questions became even more fervent. I stopped swearing. I wanted to go to church and made sacrifices to go! Most of all, I finally wanted to know the truth, not just accept what I'd always been taught. I asked. I received. I know Joseph Smith, Jr. was a prophet, seer, and revelator. I know the Book of Mormon is the Word of God and another testament of Jesus Christ, because I asked Heavenly Father and He answered. I will never be able to deny the power of what I felt.

This blog was created in the hopes that in writing down my day-to-day life, my adventures (such as they are), I would be able to more clearly see where I was going and adjust to fit what I choose to be. I am more than willing to accept honest questions about anything. I cannot guarantee that I know the answer, but I can try. There are some things I cannot answer questions about much, not because they are secret, but because they are sacred. I will not tolerate any hate-mongering, flaming, name calling, or comments that are derogatory to me, my family, my friends, or my faith. Such comments will be deleted and ignored. Honest questions, respectful questions, or just curious questions, I am more than willing to respond to. These are my beliefs and you are welcome to disagree with them as much as you like. That is your right. But, this is my place to express them. Your own blog is your place to express yours. I am just asking for the uncommon courtesy. Please be polite.

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