Quitting Work

So I woke up this past Friday morning after another negative dream (not exactly a nightmare) and realized something. I cared way too much, even in my subconscious, about things that don't matter. I was upset, over a dream, at a person in real life! In a situation they would never be in! So, I need to step away from the reality and give my subconscious better things to do than over-analyze my work relationships, which are polite and kind but otherwise pretty nonexistent. I used to think I was okay with that, but if I'm going to be honest with myself, I'm not. I'm lonely at my job and since my job is getting most of my time, and further efforts at friendship have been met kindly but not with any real growth, I think I need to step back from trying and from my job.

Yes, I am quitting my job. Not because I am lonely at it; that only made the decision easier. I am quitting because my schedule is so hectic that I am stressed all of the time. My schoolwork is suffering, my home life is suffering, and my actual friendships are suffering. And worst of all, my health is suffering.

"If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything." - Count Rugen, Princess Bride.

I've been sick over a dozen times this year. Previously, it was a rare year when I'd be sick thrice. Every time, the sickness is worse than the previous time and I take longer to recover from it. I'm still trying to recover from my last sickness (which took me out of work for five days over the course of two weeks), and that was over three weeks ago. It was a freaking cold. Not pneumonia or bronchitis, just a cold. It responded to no medications and interfered drastically with my sleep.

No, I don't have mold in my house, yes I've aired out the house, yes I'm getting plenty of fluids and vitamins, yes I'm eating healthy(ish), and no, I am not getting enough sleep. I've been trying to get enough sleep. When I was sick, I couldn't breathe and thus had interrupted sleep and ended up pulling an accidental all-nighter as a result. Now that I am recovering, I've been plagued with nightmares and negative dreams, which makes what sleep I get not as deep nor as recuperative.

My job is not essential to our living standards. I kept it to pay off my debts faster, but if this is how life will be at my job, then I'll accept the slower rate of pay back on my debts in exchange for better mental and physical health. Even so, it only changes the date of debt freedom by one year. My husband is the most important part of my life, followed by my friends/family, and then my schooling. My work is valued several steps below those and leaving work will give me the time and chance to get my own business up and running. There really are no reasons for me to stay.


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