Long Time Coming

I speak rarely of what is deepest in my heart, finding it too personal to post of. But I feel it is time to declare my feelings and knowledge openly once again. I know that my Redeemer lives. This is a lyric to a hymn I love, but more importantly, it is the truth. I've felt myself slipping away from what is most important to me, and have spent the last two weeks scrambling to find my ground once more. I focused too hard on my work and my schooling, and not enough on my Savior and my spiritual needs. This is not to say that I should not focus on school and work, but that my life is very empty indeed if they are all I have to fill it.

I've gone through a deeply personal trial recently and found myself needing to go through the repentance process. What joy filled my heart today, when I realized the love my Lord, my God had for me. I am an ever changing work in His hands, and I delight in calling Him my Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, my Brother. I am without eloquence enough to express it. I am a Daughter of God, and as such have a divine inheritance, and a divine worth. The times I grow closest to Him are the times I am happiest, and best able to benefit my fellow men.

I wish I could show those I love what I feel for them. My family, my friends...they mean more to me than I could ever communicate. I'm crying as I type this. I love you. My Lord loves me. My sins have been forgiven and I will continue to try harder to not disappoint Him.

I have received a calling recently, to the Music Committee at church. Our first meeting, they asked me to conduct the music for Sacrament meeting. I confess I was hardly surprised. Then they asked if I would also be willing to lead the choir as director. At first I did not wish to, having, in January, just completed a three year stint at my singles ward in both of those positions. But over the course of the week, I found my heart softening to the idea. I miss singing. I miss expressing my love for my God in that manner. I missed how close I felt when I was able to give others a greater joy in music, and in doing so, drawing nearer to my Lord. I came to church with ideas. I wish to learn a new piece of music and perform it for Christmas: "Oh Divine Redeemer." I cannot wait to learn it.

I have a blessed Sabbath, and I wish you all to have a spiritually wonderful week.


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