The Nature of Love
I've been thinking very deeply lately on the nature of friendship and how it leads to love. I'm not talking about the people you only hang out with or only do certain activities with, I'm talking about the friends you couldn't live without. The people who you would give your life, perhaps even your soul for. Those whose absence creates a physical ache in your heart that doesn't go away until you see them again. And if they are true friends, the kind I'm talking about, that feeling and knowledge is returned.
I've always been somewhat on the peripheral with my groups of friends. This is not to say we didn't have loads of fun, or that I don't miss them, or that we didn't have a real bond, because we did and we do. I love my friends dearly, and that alone is enough for me to give my life to save them. But I've never had a friend I loved so much that I would give anything for until these last few years. Rosslyn is my best friend. But I hesitate to call her that. You hear the term "best friend" and think giggling girls watching movies and painting their nails, wearing charm bracelets and necklaces that match, and well, high school. It's insufficient and lacks depth.
I guess you could call it a bromance, but since I'm talking about it being between girls I guess that makes it a "womance"? I dunno. The fact of the matter is, I've dated guys before, had many friends, but I've never felt this kind of depth of emotion for someone outside my family before--and in some cases even in. I'm actually grateful to feel it in a selfish way--it's proved to me that I can love. See, I've never fallen in love with a guy, not even any of the ones I've dated. I want to. But I never have, and, frankly, I'm scared I never will. But I guess, having someone so close to you in another capacity makes it so that facing a problem isn't impossible. I dunno if I just haven't met the right guy or what, but advice is good, and I have trusted sources for it.
I suppose what I really want in love is not just a good man, though that is important. Passion and drive. I want passion. I don't mean the bodice-ripping crap in romance novels, but a guy who gets passionate about something, like a hobby or something...Then I know life won't be boring. I have been stuck in ruts before and I loathe them. I want growth and progression. I don't have to understand his passion, but he'd better have something to be passionate about, something that motivates him. And if he were to ALSO be passionate about me, that would be wonderful.
I don't want to go through life without passion. I love my life--I have school with interesting subjects, a job that I enjoy and that treats me well, a church that uplifts and magnifies me, dreams and ideas and goals I shoot for, and many hobbies that fulfill my passion for creativity in its many forms. All I lack, I'm beginning to believe, is someone to share it all with. I am happy with myself and my life as it is, and I will never stop continuing to improve myself and progress. I could continue like this without a man and, I think, be alright, and be fulfilled and happy. But I think I would wish for that someone nonetheless.